Which flowers to send to say you’re sorry

Apology flowers have a problem: they can come across as an attempt to close the subject with a gesture. They work when they go along with a real apology, not when they replace it.

Which flowers to choose

• White tulips. White is the color of forgiveness in almost all of the Western tradition. It is the clearest option.
• White or pink roses. Respect and affection, without the weight of red.
• Purple hyacinths. Historically associated with regret. Very elegant, though their season is short.
• White lilies. Understated and with a strong presence.

What to avoid

Red roses: they reframe the gesture as romantic and can sound like you are changing the subject. A huge arrangement isn't a good idea either; size doesn't make up for anything and can come across as excessive.

The card matters more than the bouquet

An apology that works names what happened, doesn't make excuses and doesn't ask anything of the other person. “I'm sorry about yesterday, I was wrong” carries more weight than three paragraphs explaining why you were right. If you don't know what to write, that is a sign you should talk it through in person and let the flowers come later.